Problem:

When most guys go out, they’ll approach like they buy milk. There’s no purpose, they’re just doing another task on a list of things they feel like they have to do. It’s better than sitting at home playing the new Modern Warfare game, as far as developing a social life, but it’s still not as effective, and initially attractive, as it could be. Also, when it’s just a task, you’re more likely to succumb to the effects of approach anxiety.

Solution:

When you go out, have a purpose. I don’t mean simply goals, like, “Go approach ten women,” I mean purpose. The difference is intent. If your goal is to approach ten women, and you do so with the same amount of purpose you go grocery shopping, then it’s all for naught. Approach like you’re a man, like you’re storming the beaches of Normandy, like you might die tomorrow, and if this is your final act, then by God, you’re going out with a bang! (So to speak, of course.)

This is you

When things matter, then they should be treated as such. Don’t go through life half-assing things that matter. Give them your full attention. Be present, feel the emotions welling up inside of you. Thoughts are okay, but should not be held on to like a safety blanket. They should be like butterflies, interesting, fleeting, allowed to drift away as quickly as they come.

Most people starting to learn seduction will attempt to stop approach anxiety, but that is counter-productive. Approach anxiety is a good indication of who you should approach. If a woman can create that nervousness in you, then she’s someone you’re attracted to. A man’s deepest purpose is generally found down the path that he fears to follow. Going and approaching despite the fear will allow you to feel your purpose. It is masculine to overcome fear. Bravery is not the absence of fear, but action despite fear. Women and fortune favor the brave.

If you “destroy” approach anxiety, using some psychological trick to remove approach anxiety, you’re removing the ability to be excellent. Women know that approaching a beautiful woman is difficult, and they know when the situation is especially difficult. Woman are very emotionally intuitive. A hard approach for you might be easy for someome else, but women can feel the emotional energy within you. When you approach, she can feel the emotions you overcame to approach. When you overcome obstacles, and approach no matter the circumstance and strong emotions, she’s going to feel far more initial attraction than some guy who felt no fear, and approached her when it was “easy.” Go for the 3-pointers, take the hard shots. That which seems difficult in seduction is usually the easy way.

This is not to say that one should waste time, or make things unnecessarily complicated. Quite the contrary, seduction can be simple. Simplicity is not always ease. Approaching a woman with simple honesty, “Hello, I saw you and I wanted to talk to you,” can feel far less easy than dropping the newest opinion opener. However, it is simple, because she knows your intent, and few men have the clarity of purpose to put it out in the open like that. She’ll feel it even more strongly if you said something like that after overcoming approach anxiety. It is a simple thing to do, but it is not always easy.

Action Steps:

Now, I implore you. Go out, find the women that take your breath away, that make you do a double-take. Find the ones who you make excuses not to approach. Make it your purpose, and approach those women with nothing but truth and simplicity: “Hello, I saw you, and I want to talk to you.”

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And here’s the other one:
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“Live as if your father was dead.” -David Deida

Growing up, we are told what to do. Go to school. Go to church. Clean the yard. Get a job. Learn to drive. Go to college. Find a wife. Have kids. Get old. Die.

What if that’s not the journey for you? It’s the outline to the story society tells us to live, but is it the story you need to live? Is it the story you want to live? It’s can be hard to shed the trappings of a “normal” life, and go blaze your own trail through life. I’ve been fortunate to have family and friends who support me through my non-traditional existence, but even with my blessings, there have still been times when I’ve had everyone telling me that I shouldn’t do something, and I had to walk my path very alone.

In the course of life, we are called as men to find our purpose, and fulfill it. This philosophical question, “What is the meaning of life?” constantly calling to us for an answer. Scale it down; make it more useful for us to ponder, “What is the meaning of my life?” What do you need to do before you die? What purpose do you serve? Some peoples’ purpose is just to be an example of what’s possible. Sometimes it is to make some lucky lady very happy, to have a few kids and the white picket fence. Perhaps it’s to be an artist, an entrepeneur, a civil rights activist, or even the president of the United States. Okay, probably not that last one…

Scaling it down even further, what is your purpose in getting great with women? Do you want to be a playboy, surrounded by women, a bachelor for life? Do you seek to bed a bunch of women, so that when you find the One, your wild oats have been sown, and you can settle down happily? Experience has taught me that the traditional methods of dating are flawed, and while they may work for some, they fail for many. That said, society will scorn you if you follow a non-traditional path, and friends and family may even confront you. It is tough to blaze your own trail, and people may not understand your choices. It takes a lot of self-esteem and courage to go out and do what’s right for you, and let other peoples’ opinions be damned. Funny enough, chicks dig courage and self-esteem…

Going forward:

1) Figure out what is your end goal? It’s okay if this changes, happens to everyone. Just go for a general direction for now.

2) What milestones do you want to hit on your journey? What do you want to say you’ve done? This can be total ego, it’s your life, sometimes the cheap thrills are totally worth it.

3) Spend time figuring out the best way to go about reaching your overall goal, while hitting those milestones along the way.

If you need some ideas, feel free to comment below.

Cheers,
Justin

About the Author:
Justin C. has been a part of the seduction community for the last five years, and specializes in keeping the game, and learning it, fun. He is available for coaching through our weekend workshops and premiere Platinum Residential live-in program.